"I have a few suggestions to make." No, we're not going to listen to them. Why? Because you're wearing a fanny pack. You've already made it clear that you make poor decisions.

Post from 9/2/10

Wasn't Initech supposed to stop things like this from happening?

Post from 9/1/10

Why do I have to pay full price for this damaged book? I donate books all the time!" Listen, just because you give us your trashy, soft-core, broken-spine Harlequin paperbacks from the 80s doesn't mean that you can let your dog chew on our brand new books and get away with it.

"I'm looking for a notary republic." You're looking for a nation where everyone has an equal voice and they can administer oaths and affirmations, take affidavits and statutory declarations, and witness and authenticate the execution of certain classes of documents? No? Oh, you mean a public notary. Try your bank.

Post from 8/21/10

Chuck Norris doesn't write books, he just stares at the typewriter until it produces what he wants.

Some books are like dog poop: if it's big enough and heavy enough, sometimes you have to double-bag it.

 

"Do you have Eat, Pray, and Love?" No, but we have Eat, Pray, Love. Seriously, how can you not get that title right? It's three words long.

 

Post from 8/13/10

I prefer people who smell really bad over people who smell really strongly of perfume. Because with people who smell bad I just throw up in my mouth a little bit then it's over with. But people who wear a lot of perfume give me a headache that lasts all day.